cornhole frenzy

be sure to read the website name

happy new year?

tonight was an ordeal. first off, i was the best dressed person at the new years party. someone said i looked like i was about to step onto the titanic, and that sounds about right. anyway, as i was leaving the party with lia, two drunk kids are outside, shoving each other. a girl is crying. i walk up, telling them to cool that shit. one of them rips his shirt off, and i grab his shoulder and pull him back from the other guy. he turns to me. i hold him still and tell him to calm the hell down. he shoves me, then swings at me; i put my hand up, and guess what? his fingernail slices my thumb when it hits me. yeah. like a girl fight. i push him back, and just then a bunch of other drunk college freshmen home for the holidays run up and take over. (by now the other guy has also ripped off his shirt. why is taking off your shirt a sign of willingness to fight?) i let them handle it. i walk away, get my girl, and sail off into the moonlight.

the things i learned during the last moments of 2008:

1. i look good in suits;
2. the generation of kids a few years younger than us are idiots and should never be allowed to reproduce;
3. never mess with kids with long fingernails.

the best part of the night was when i put ODB on the stereo, stopping the onslaught of journey and lynard skynard. i get down.

a side note: alcohol makes eighteen-year-olds act like whiny babies. you're all cool, smoking your cigarettes and sneering at parents. save it for the adults, kids.

jason dill

back before he was wearing high socks and mullets. this is one reason the alien video will be the best of the year.


feast your eyeballs.

fully flailed teaser from Colin Read on Vimeo.

how about everyone chips in some cash so i can buy a vimeo plus account, so we can watch the movies in HD on here. or, just watch them all on vimeo. whateverrrrr

blast from the past.

i remembered this tonight. abouttttt four years ago? i sent a tape in to emerica shoes, because i was an idiot and thought i was okay at skateboarding (i was wrong). anyway, two years later or something fogt calls me and tells me i'm on their website, so i look, and here it is.

here's what they said:
Stuart, Florida
17 years old
It's really nice to see a youngster like Colin Read mix it up with a little old school and a little new. Not only does Col enjoy commonly seen obstacles like stairs and rails, but he also includes a plethora of natural many pads, banks, wall rides and even a backyard pool in his daily skate diet. We're talkin' lines, footplants and a sweet no-comply pole jam!

I have a couple of questions, though, so Colin, read this: Aren't filmer shadows and park footy illegal in sponsor me videos? Just kidding. And I wonder who's in that car that drives by in the first scene? Ha-ha! Thanks for submitting your footage, Colin, You just eared yourself a free pair of Emerica shoes.--Post King

HA! that had to be the dorkiest review i've ever read. but the skating was dorky too.

the comments started out as complimentary for a while, but then they took the inevitable turn for the worst. here are some of my favorites:

"that was horrible,"

"I got bored watching that."

"I agree that was horrible and boring."

(those 3 were in a row)

"i didnt think he was that good. the rail tricks sucked."

and then, this one shows up:

"ill tear the ankles off this bitch. It was a like shuv it mania up in that joint. he didnt do even one irish shuffel or and reptar bars. horrible and boring. i hate more than any of u suckers. col is a tool bag"

followed by:

"dude darth hater is right. this bitch is gonna get bit apart by a mandible claw sooner or later, i just hopes he stops doing skating like a wanker soon enough to see it. man, hes doin shuvits and reverts of all kinds and variations, and all natures.

nature, that's what skateboarding is all about

i heard he cant even do axel stalls. doesnt do his back disasters properly."

the one right after says this:

"hes better than you bitch"

but then the same person says right after,

"nah that video was kinda gay."

there is no sweeter love than that shared on skate video comment pages.
one more for the memories:

"dude your gay this video sucks major boners i would kill you."

(my actual favorite is one who just says, 'he skates fast.' that made me happy.)


finally, i figured how to upload in hd. make sure hd is turned on.

fogt from Colin Read on Vimeo.

this is the beginning of something more. of something great.

fully flailed. coming in the newer, better year.

i made this

i think it's really good

best. post. ever.

i officially found the best post on craigslist ever.

i already called, don't bother.

PS this is a baby elephant.

4 star

4 star is one of the best companies out right now. the gonz and max schaff and froston? come on.

watch this. rad.

fully fogt

this was first try.

death lens in. let's do this thing.

merry christmas


tonight i found my old broken camcorder. well, the saying is true: time fixes all things. i figure out that my new camera's charger fits the old camera, i plug it in, and then i'm watching footage from sophomore year of high, five years ago.

we are all getting old.

but basically, the lesson i learned is that alex fogt is and has always been a ripper. there's footy of him somehow jamming up an orange grate to wall nosebonk-thing.... i don't know. he's a slayer.

there's also some priceless david cahall footage. and some trick from a super-young scotty sistarelli, being way better than us. i'll try to upload some of it soon.

more cowbell

instant gratification contest.

this is my team.

this is your team.

i poop myself

this is the most terrifying thing in the world.

it is a coconut crab.

it is called this because it can crack and rip open coconuts with its bare claw. it can lift things weighing 64 pounds.

the crab rebellion has begun.

this was not written by me.

but it's so damn rad.

In 1929, Werner Forssmann was a surgical trainee who wanted to learn about the heart. Unlike other wimpy doctors at the time, instead of learning about it from books or dead animals, he went for the more classic investigatory approach of "poke it with something."
Without any supervision, advice, or regard for that concept you call "survival," he cut a hole in his arm and pushed a catheter all the way up the limb and jammed it into his still-living heart.
A female nurse had volunteered for the procedure, and while he wouldn't risk anyone else (perhaps shouting "Dammit, it's too dangerous!"), he needed her to hand him the necessary surgical tools. So he laid her on the surgical table, gave her a painkiller, then performed the procedure on himself while she wasn't looking. That's right, this guy shoved two feet of cable into his own cardiac system as a sleight-of-hand trick, thereby permanently upstaging David Copperfield 27 years before he was even born.
He then walked--WALKED, mind you--with a tube hanging out of his fucking heart like some kind of price tag to the X-Ray room and presumably said "Hey guys, check out what I just did."

When another doctor desperately tried to pull the catheter out of him (perhaps shouting "Dammit, it's too dangerous!"), Werner had to kick him away because his hands were full with the cable running into his own heart. At this point it's clear that if a 10-man SWAT team composed entirely of Arnold Schwarzeneggers had attacked Forssman, he'd have beaten the life out of every single one, then performed lifesaving research on the corpses.
He was fired, probably for being tougher than everyone and everything else in the building (including the concrete foundations)--27 years later they gave him a Nobel Prize.

human slinky

today i was accused of turning my blog into well, i resent that. but i cannot resist posting this. this is hands-down the craziest fall i have ever seen in my life.

Skier Needs A Little Work On Landings - Watch more free videos

jimmy vs ninja

sure, you saw this photo on jason's blog. but you didn't see what jason edited out--how jimmy's using his pro model throwing stars to kill ninjas. while doing a nose manny.


the contest video is up on the gsp website. but back to business: the instant gratification contest. i'm working hard on getting my leg and ankle back up to full power, and then the mandible claw team is gonna take it all.

but seriously. one team consists of jimmy, koki, dante, carlos, and matty b. ummmmm...... we're still gonna beat you guys.

speaking of jimmy, his mandible claw pro model ninja stars are coming soon. look out, you might catch one in the face.

judgement day

it's here. the robotic rebellion is about to begin.

also a bison

gsp grand opening

finally done. one of these days i'll upgrade to vimeo plus so i can actually upload the videos in real hd. but until then:

gsp grand opening from Colin Read on Vimeo.

mike stanley is my favorite gainesville skateboarder.

this shit is fresh

watch the trailer for chris mulhern's new flick, 'this time tomorrow.' it's on transworld. good stuff.

long live the mandible claw

colin the filmer

here's some dude's edit of the GSP best trick contest. erik's in there with the bigflip. as you can see from my way-too-far-from-the-skating-because-my-fisheye-sucks position on the pyramid, i got that ill footy, yo. contest montage coming as soon as i'm done with exams.

Captain Fantastic?

Teen's 'fantastic' new name

A Somerset teenager has changed his name to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Music graduate George Garratt, 19, changed his name by deed poll online for £10, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Captain Fantastic said: "I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes."

He joins a number of people with unusually long names, including Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams, a girl born in Texas in 1984.

The teenager, from Glastonbury, added that while he thought the new name was "crazy", his grandmother was no longer speaking to him.

bomb hills AND countries

more from my favorite dudes in blue suits.

and this made me die laughing.

and then this made me laugh even harder.


so today i was looking for a good camera light that will fit my canon. i'm scrolling down on google, and what do i see?

no one challenges my champion sound.

this is what stupid people like to do in winter.

and this is the stupidest one of them all. apparently he goes 780 feet in the air.

what do you think the first guy guy who ever thought of this said to his friends? 'dudes, let's just go flying off the biggest cliff we can find and see how far we go.' pause. 'dudes?'

this is along the same lines, but japanese.


mike stanley, bs flip to flat. the pyramid is down there somewhere.

wow. the gainesville skatepark grand opening was tonight. expect a video of the best trick contest in the next few days.

hot town interview

tonight i sat down with vince canger, the man behind hot town. this is what happened.

MC--what is hot town?

HT--what is hot town? dont you know yet? it was here b4 u were, itll be here after you are. does that sound dick? i want it to. hmmm what is hot town?
(Shawn)--its whatever people want it to be.
HT--is it? i’d say think of it like a dog in the snow. it’s just all snow, he has nowhere to go.
(shawn)--and a kind stranger welcomes him in.
HT--no! so he says fuck it, im not going anywhere, i, staying right here. hot town is about making the most of a bad situation. the dog knows he’s cold but he doesnt give a shit he’s just gonna stay right there and piss in the snow and let everyone know hes not going nowhere.

MC--whats something no one knows about you? secrets?

HT--i have somehting you dont know about me. i have something called halo nevus. common benign skin lesions. Halo nevi are common benign skin lesions that represent melanocytic nevi in which an inflammatory infiltrate develops, resulting in a zone of depigmentation surrounding the nevus. Although Sutton originally described the lesion in 1916 as leukoderma acquisita centrifugum, the lesions were noted earlier, as evidenced by their depiction in the painting The Temptation of Saint Anthony by Matthias Grunewald circa 1512-1516. Because melanoma that has undergone regression may appear gray or white, halo nevi have been erroneously confused with melanoma and have been the source of much anxiety among both clinicians and patients. Nevertheless, they are entirely benign lesions and of only cosmetic significance.

MC--how towns goal for the new year?

HT--thats a hard one. to find that bitch that gave me herpes. track ehr down and kill her

MC--i didnt know you had herpes

HT--i dont. hot town does.

MC--any shout outs?

HT--i’m not happy. i’m not happy with this interview.

MC--thanks for your time.

HT--can i change my analogy? about what HT is?

(vince farts. wafts fart toward nose, grinning.)

when all yu wana do is chill with your boys and your girl is all over your nuts. and youre like chill dont i give u enough dick? you never pay attention to my needs! then you just ditch her. then you find that dog in the snow. and it all makes sense.

d way

so says the man:

I just feel like the Olympics need us more than we need them. I don't think it's going to bring any more opportunities except for maybe a Wheaties commercial.



to quote burnout from thrasher:

In case you haven’t heard, we’ve entered an era of ‘good times’ skateboarding.

Feel free to enjoy yourself from now on.

no stair-counting, no one-upping, no headbands, no ABDs, no hammers. just skateboarding. two or three days on the streets on gainesville, fl. montage 5.

three days from Colin Read on Vimeo.


youtube recently let you watch HD videos in real HD. so. go rewatch the toxic remix. it'll blow your mind. be sure to click watch in HD.

quit sinnin'

ill part of the week: lennie kirk in timecode. one of the best switch guys ever. here's some lennie lore:

As the story goes, the dumpster slam at the beginning of his part made him blind for a few hours. When he woke up in the hospital, he ripped out his IVs and ran out. A few months later, he was bombing a hill in San Francisco when a bus cut him off and ran over his stomach. He escaped unharmed.

no wonder he skates to 'highway to heaven.'

for extra credit, watch mike hayes's part. gotta love the laser sound effects when he does a laser flip.

field of dreams

this is a hilarious article that says what i've been saying for years: all sports movies are exactly the same.


press release:

hot-town and mandible claw's full video, FULLY FLAILED, coming soon. and by that, i mean lakai-soon. full parts from the mandible claw family and appearances by everybody else.

beware the flail.

pole jams are all the rage

these pics are here because i don't have the time to edit footage. or i do have the time and i don't want to.

i was going to make sequences from the stills, as a joke to scott and jason--i can sequences with my camera too, at 60 frames per second--until i realized, i can take the sequences, add sound to them, and put them in full speed. and it will be a video.

PS here's a treat for all you early birds out there

why is steve's head there?


can wallride.

GSP montage coming soon. that is, if they'll let me skate there free.....

i've also been chuck norris.

since i''ve been hurt

i've been hitting the gym a little bit.

HOT-TOWN COMMUNIQUE #2: closing the loop

To whom it may concern,

When navigating your way through the world-wide-web, ultimately finding your way to WWW.HOT-TOWN.ORG, you will no longer be greeted by the familiar default homepage. But instead, your screen will dazzle with slogans anew, a "sign of the times," if you will. One that represents unity in a time of chaos and misunderstanding. The bringing together of two very important thinkers, always on the forefront of the skateboarding scene.

Together they create what could be considered, metaphorically, as the floatation device for a sinking realm. Skateboarding's life-raft. I wish it weren't so, but skateboarding as a whole allows itself to be pulled under time and time again by the very values that it was established against. We were once swimming against the tide, but we've found ourselves caught in the current...

My friends, fellow skaterboarders, HOT-TOWN and Mandible Claw have united for good. Mandible Claw is HOT-TOWN and HOT-TOWN is Mandible Claw, and I am You and You are Me and we are HOT-Claw. NO! We are Mandible-TOWN!!. I hope you find yourself typing in this url:, pressing 'enter,' only to find that you are back where you started. HA! Closing the loop shouldn't have taken this long. But better now than never.

HOT-TOWN!! <3's Mandible Claw

sterrve and dustin


god is cool

i laughed so hard making this that my throat hurt three hours later.

so alive from Colin Read on Vimeo.

god is cool

in a few hours, vince will bring back the faith.  be ready.

public service announcement:

vince, you can't advertise on transworld if you haven't made the website yet.  get on that shit immediately!

meanwhile, mandible claw waits for other guest postings.  if anyone has an idea, let me know.  i was thinking an alex fogt guest gallery?  or "shawn's adventures in the yarn labyrinths."


we went to willoughby skate park.  the lights were all off, except for a few in the parking lot.  will and fogt skated one of the quarterpipes using the light from my camera.  after a little while, fogt doges off to try to turn the park lights on.  i'm filming will, and suddenly every light in the area shuts off.  fogt hit the wrong switch.  we're bewildered by the sudden dark; we'd thought the previous dark was pitch black, but now, you couldn't see anything past the camera light's range.

will's standing on the top of the ramp.  i'm waiting for fogt to fix whatever he did.  then will goes, "whatever," and sets his board down in a blunt and stands on it and pops into the ramp and rides away, into the blackness.

and the legend of will abesada continues to grow.

another comment

someone said:

"professional filming
crappy as skating."

hear that, guys?  you chumps better start laying down some hammers, or i'm taking my skills elsewhere.

i think i'm famous.

or at least shawn is.

so guess what?  we got thursday theater on transworld, again.  on thanksgiving.  to quote transworld:

Our first all-HD Thursday Theater? Good stuff Mandible ClawAnd it’s another one from Florida. Those Florida skaters might be the most productive in the nation.

basically, mandible claw is the thing to be right now.  hells yeah!

some comment nerd commented this on the transworld site:

"…what a waste of a really expensive camera."

little does he know i paid less for my camera than he paid for his old busted vx1.  or a death lens for that matter.


steve just sent me this link and i feel like i'm going insane.

d. way

it was a matter of time.  danny way broke his back on the mega ramp.  to quote transworld:

"While he will make a full recovery, doctors say Way will be sidelined for up to 6 months—which could be anywhere from 3-4 months in Danny Way time."

i'd say it's more like a week and a half.

go dannyyyyy!!

lil shonee

shawn threading the needle, past the car.  and you don't think shawn would just do a plain old feeble grind, do you?  course not.  but that footy is being saved for a rainy day.

but on to more important things.  montage 3: vinceable.

200th post

deserves the gonz.


if you weren't here...  too bad for you.


mandible claw fully backs silas baxter-neal.  we congratulate him on his new title, the 2008 thrasher sotr, the only one that fucking matters.

peep his new footy on the thrasher site.  wowzers.

and in other news, i'm waiting for a skater who can ollie like jordan jumps.  wait, i guess it's reese forbes.

but just watch.  i've never used the term 'wtf' in my life, but i'm going to use it right now:


what's the worst that could happen?

it is very rare for something to actually be a worst case scenario.

this was a worst case scenario.

i must have them

no more

though not really.  this is still a blogspot blog.  but now you can reach it at ''.

or, stick with the old address.  whateverrrrrrrr


Ride the BONE TRAIN!


[Where it all began]

[You can't make it to heaven on a half-pipe]

[Wander the hills of HOT-TOWN!!]


steve nash

is f'ing hilarious.

late night

video no. 2. enjoy.

dancing in the dark from Colin Read on Vimeo.


i fell into a youtube trap and ended up watching this thing that made fun of tech decks. it had a good line:

'the tech deck hand board. it's a bigger version of a miniature version of a regular skateboard.'

i have a patent pending on my footboard--it's a tech deck you ride with with your feet.


i'm not even going to change the caption. it was perfect:

the ultimate weapon.

our last days as children

finally. i uploaded it to vimeo, so there's better quality. enjoy.

our last days as children from Colin Read on Vimeo.


i was bored and typed in because it's a funny word. anyway, it's a website, with a video on it, of bam margera as an angel playing tic tac toe with the grim reaper, and the reaper cuts off his hands so he uses a circular water bottle to finnish his row and win, and the reaper explodes, then bam starts surfing on a boogie board, and it's all in finnish, and playing metal in the background....

someone, tell me i'm dreaming this all.

nope. i'm not.

toxic remix!

i remixed the edit. please, please watch it. to watch in high quality, go to it on youtube and click watch in high quality... duh.

hard at lurk

me, on the left. an esteemed judge at the battered & brewed bowl contest a few weeks ago, not long after koki demolished me with his wheely board.


hold on a damn minute! i just discovered something more disturbing than burt's surgery: the picture of burt itself.

view the original photo, as it was printed as the centerfold of cosmopolitan magazine:

now, go look at the last post, the same photo, as used in a DIRECTV ad. the cigarette and ashtray have been digitally removed.

are you SERIOUS? our society thinks cigarettes are more suggestive than a photo of naked burt reynolds in all his hairy glory, not to mention a murdered-bear rug?

don't buy directv. at least, not unless they have a burt reynolds channel.


why can't old people just get old? especially when you're this guy:

women wanted him. men wanted him. even i wanted him. had he let things run their natural course, he would have aged into an even more rugged, even more weathered, even classier older gentlemen.

but instead, he did what they always do.

why, burt? why?


first edit with the new camera. i have a a grip of bangers already--people have been throwing down. but good things come to those who wait.

since youtube is gay as hell, the HD crisp beautiful righteousness has been lost, giving way to standard streaming poop quality. oh well. come over and i'll show you the real deal.

enjoy skateboarding.

maybe i should check the law books, but...

"i think that's against the law, but okay"?

i'm jamal muthafuckin smith

now in HD.

all jamal footy is pure gold. if you pay attention, you'll notice he's wearing two of the same t-shirts, one under the other. that's class.

say it isn't so

Jury Recommends Death Sentence For Power Ranger

6 November 2008 11:06 PM, PST | From | See recent WENN news

Latest: Former Mighty Morphin Power Ranger Skylar Deleon will face a death sentence if the members of a jury in a triple murder case get their way.

Last month, Deleon, a former child actor who appeared on the popular kids' TV series, was convicted of murdering three people, including a couple who were tied to an anchor and thrown from their yacht.

And now the jury in the case want the 29-year-old actor to pay for his crimes with his life.

Deleon's attorney, Gary Pohlson, argues his client should not be put to death.

He says, "Skylar is guilty of all three murders, (but) at the end of this, I'm going to ask you to give him life without the possibility of parole as the appropriate sentence."

The lawyer cited Deleon's "horrible, horrible life," and noted he was allegedly abused as child by his father, who eventually died of AIDS.

Deleon will learn of his sentence next Wednesday.


for those of you who don't skate, this is a pretty good example of what it's like. imagine trying to kick a soccer ball across a street and into a trash can, while the street is busy and people are yelling at you. that's pretty much skateboarding right there.

thanks for the link, shawn.

things make less sense every day

i'm a sucker for clint eastwood. his new movie is coming out soon. what a killer.

"I don't want to become immortal through my work, I want to become immortal through not dying" - Woody Allen

back in action

macbook came back today, brand new. thanks, apple!

anyway, here's a screen capture of the new cam-cam.

fully flurried.


sooooo a few updates.

1. i bought a new hd video camera.
2. my computer died and is being fixed by apple.
3. my hip is still broken.

basically, i'm crippled and i want someone to do something on a skateboard for me to film while computer's in the shop.

throw down!

don't do it daddy

once in high school, before my friends and i went on a skate trip, my dad showed us a movie of the worst bails ever in the 'extreme sports.' this was one of them. i haven't seen it in years. ask yourself--what was he trying to land on?

in case you were wondering

does anybody care about the thoughts i think? blogging is a very narcissistic thing to do. but then again, i do think some pretty awesome thoughts.!!

our europe video just got featured on the transworld home page. go check it out.

dance dance dance dance dance dance


corn's closet said...

You should possibly try looking up the word cinematographer prior to applying to a job next. In the film industry a cinematographer, depending on the size of the production and budget can do anything from the duties of a DP to camera op, or 2nd ac, or all of the above. The gems that the letter was full of, were probably actually responsibility of a cinematographer or what she was seeking in a cinematographer. Just a word of advice, not trying to be a dick. So next time you aren't as surprised. Unless you know what a Mickey Mole 1k Par is with half CTB on it, and a 1/2 net rigged on a c-stand with a topper on it is, I'd be a little cautious before applying to cinematographer jobs.
October 23, 2008 4:00 AM
colin said...

actually the ad said she just wanted someone to film a dance recital. turd.
October 23, 2008 11:01 AM
shawn said...

hahaha what a cockslob
October 23, 2008 11:04 AM
Steve Cock said...

you should seek a way to get all that poop off your corny weiner mr closet man

dance dance revolution

soooooo i applied for this cinematographer job, thinking i'd be filming a dance performance. so i sent the lady in charge some youtube clips--skate stuff.

well, she emailed me back, and said she was stoked on my stuff, and then unveiled this plan for me to film a week-long MTV-style reality shoot on the lives of dancers. really, really sketchy. the letter was full of gems like this one:

"You will have an interesting and inspiring week of fierceness."

but this was the cincher.

"Retire the skateboards its all about dance."

the pillage

stolen from joe's mag, the pillage. hells yeah fogt.

craigslist, cont.

i don't even know what to say about this one:

"I'm looking to work out a deal with someone to exchange my labor for weeknight martial arts lessons."


lia and i made this animation tonight of big bertha.

when will the violence stop?


she should use her spinning transformer thing to push with her back foot.


pictures like this make me happy to be alive.


euro-tage. most of the europe footy mixed in with some old florida stuff. enjoy.

jerry hsu

this part came out in '99. almost ten years ago. keep that in mind.

holga, roll 3

the best roll so far. jason's got a buttery back tail in this one.